Saturday, January 21, 2006

Trafficking in Misery

I hate traffic pretty much more than anything else. To illustrate this, I would rather comb and braid Jon Lovitz's back hair than sit on I-66 in gridlock... and that isn't because I respect and enjoy Lovitz's work in the acclaimed High School High. It's more because traffic is miserable in this area. I would think that an area so linked with the government would be able to secure better planners, more money and more action. Especially if any of these lawmakers have to actually drive on these roads back to their estates in Great Falls. I read today in the Post that Governor Kaine is actually trying to raise money to enact some common sense, and even innovative (the toll lane to pass traffic), solutions. I have trouble believing people that drive an iota here would oppose this. I for one am perfectly willing to pay a little more on my car insurance, and even in my sales tax. I don't even want to estimate how much money I've blown on gas that was burned while I went 1.6 mph on I-95. Thank god I can take metro to work now, I'm not sure I could have tolerated another day of wasting an hour each commute home at the Toll Road/I-66E merge.

On a semi-unrelated note, is there a worse song than "My Hump" by Black Eyed Peas. I've probably heard it at least 50 times in the past week on XM while sitting in aforementioned traffic. It reminds me of my childhood baseball card collecting twilight zone; repeatedly opening packs of cards hoping/praying/demanding that I lucked out and got a special foil embossed Tony Gwynn card, only to REPEATEDLY pull Dave Hansen. Seriously, I must have 15 Dave Hansen cards lying in a box somewhere. Damn you Dave Hansen and your career .260 average. Damn you to hell sitting at Exit 44 on I-66. Anyways "My Humps"' lyrics bring back memories for me of the all time worst written song, "Summer Girls" by the immortal LFO. Perhaps this snippet will jog your memory of this masterpiece:

Your the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespere wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby

At least LFO didn't take themselves very seriously (it seemed, although I may be crushing their literary egos if they run across this blog by some coincidence). Black Eyed Peas seems to think they are a great, progressive, cutting edge band. The only thing cutting edge about "My Humps" is the knife blade I'll use to slice my ears off if I hear it again. Others agree with this, as "My Humps" was awarded Worst Song of the Year by Dr. David Thorpe from Something Awful.com.

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